Excerpts from the cynical side.

Monday, October 09, 2006

Free Taxi.

Each time someone is reported missing from their place of residence, a report needs to be generated and the person is risk assessed against various competancies. The result is that the missing person (misper) gets allocated into one of three categories: high, medium or low risk.

High risk mispers are generally those deemed to be vunerable in various ways from age to disibility. Unfortunately some mispers really do take a rise out of the police. Take a persistant 11 year old misper, who has a criminal record longer than your arm. He is known for street robbery and criminal damage, standing at a mere 4 feet 10 inches tall and weighing in at around 7 stone max.

For the sake of simplicity we'll call him X. X lives in a childrens home, commits crime almost monthly and continually gets a little slap on the wrist. To further the annoyance, X likes to leave his childrens home to go across to the other side of my force to stay with his friends. He then gets reported as a high risk and alarm bells start ringing force wide for him.

He gets found each and every time in the exact same place, every weekend and sometimes various weekdays too. Each time he is then rewarded with a free taxi ride home, meaning officers being allocated the job of driving a few miles to pick X up, take him back and then fill out an unnecessary report.

The report asks some strange questions which we have to ask the missing person such as "have you been a victim of crime while you have been away? have you committed any crimes while you have been away? do you think you will do this again?" Something which muggings here has had to fill in many times for X, even though I know where he will be, I know what he will say as does all of my colleagues who too have picked X up and taken him home from time to time.

So, in short, if you want a free taxi home - get someone to phone 999 and report you missing and make it sound like you are a complete menace to society. Please wait up to ten minutes though, as we will try and get to you as quickly as possible, we wouldn't want you being cold as you have to get home don't you?

Mr and Mrs tax payer - please flush the toilet as you put your money in it.

Many thanks.


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